Navigating My Mental Health

aka: the current shit show

You name the depression/anxiety med, I've probably been on it.

I was diagnosed in the 8th grade with depression and agoraphobia, which later lead to my inevitable breakdowns. I won't get into the nitty gritty because I've already covered some of it in past posts, but I was definitely 110% mentally ill and still am. You'd think after 16 years I'd have it figured out... 😅🤣🤪

What I've learned is this: Medication is helpful, but lifestyle change is crucial.

How do I know this? Because this neurodivergent freak show (me) has been trying to fit into society's box for 30 years now without success.

✅ Finished high school?

✅ Happily Married?

✅ 9-5 job?

✅ Home Owner?

✅ Close family and friends?

✅ Have kids? (I'm counting our bulldog because she's cuter than most kids.)

I have a technically middle class, typical good life in a small town, but I am often MISERABLE. My body and mind can't keep up with the demands of what will keep me afloat in this life.

Every morning I brace myself for the day. As soon as my eyes open, the overwhelm sets in. I have to shower and get myself dressed. On good days, I can even feed myself breakfast. At work I have to interact with people, and it's all incredibly draining. By the end of my 9 hour shift, I am so mentally exhausted that I struggle to make myself a meal or do laundry. It's honestly the biggest part of why I struggle to stay gluten free.

By the time the weekend rolls around I need to sleep until 11am to catch up on the anxiety ridden sleepless nights of the work week. My house is a mess. Laundry is piled up past my eyeballs. And the thought of doing anything social makes me want to cry. By Sunday night, I'm anxious about the next work week starting because I never fully recovered from the last week. Anyone else feel like this?

So what are you going to do about it?

Back when I was a nanny, I cut out one day of work a week in order to re-gain some mental stability. This gave me time at home alone with my husband at work, and that is what I'm planning to ask for at my current job. To have the ability to work from home one day a week would be such a relief. The worst they can say is no, right?

Really, my goal is to work as a freelancer. I thrive off of working for myself, and although it sounds like I'm a recluse, really I just struggle sitting in front of computer all day watching my life pass me by. I desperately want to be involved in my community, bringing value to people's lives, but it makes my body sick when I try to juggle my 9-5 and my passions.

So here's to those who buck traditional ways of thinking, and to those who are beginning to stand up for their own mental health🍻

Cheers,

-Lo